From This Unapologetic Body

(I first posted this in Feb 2011 on Sonya Renee's brilliant The Body is Not An Apology page. Fascinating how we can turn back to our own words for perspective...)

The sexy I work so hard to own

will never be reflected in your neon eyes

Not in the teetering balance of your morse code

when you switch fractions from morning

to night and back again

I know how to trick you into believing I’m less

Into retrieving different calculations

based on time of day and your attitude

But I’ve never been the type of woman

to get caught up in the mathematics

In relating equations and numbers

to anything worth valuing

I find words a more distinctive gift for this

So, I’ll write to you-

Dear Lousy Worthless Number On My Scale,

Stop pretending you are my compass

Don't mistake time I've spent with you for empathy.

You have exposed me, torn me open for so many instances

I've stopped counting the scars.

So stop trying to make a fool of my insides

Stop being the judge I weigh above all others

Stop smiling at me while I'm naked

or changing your mind too quickly.

I have spent years in the swell of this body

This exposed ocean of sleeve-wearing heart

and too-thin skin. This heaving muscle

of a chest and curved outer layer.

So make peace with me. See me.

Judge me on my words

and not my formulas.